C. H. Spurgeon
"Prayer is never more real and accepted than when it rises out of the worst places."

It's not a one time cry. It's continuous. Psalm 130:1 I have cried in the past, and still cry.


And what a wonderful promise, God not only hears; He listens.

Alexander Maclaren

• " If out of the depths we cry, we shall cry ourselves out of the depths."

It's 2017! How fast time passes by. Before you know it another year would have ended.

It takes faith, it takes hope, it takes just trusting that He knows best.

HE chose the cross why wouldn't HE then save you only to throw you into a deeper pit! Lord I trust you because my thoughts are not Your thoughts neither are my ways Your ways.

Its the first time I see the two cars literally flying to two ends of the road and I thought the right side of the car that we were in will be totally damaged but after managing to move the car to the side only the front part of the car was damaged.

However, it is really a miracle that nobody died in the accident. The condition of both the cars that flew was horrible. The car that flew to the left was like a smash tin can but yet they came out safe and sound. Only the other car driver suffered several stitches but other than that everyone is well and safe.

While the accident cause us a long process and massive traffic jam at Old Klang Road, I must say I am really grateful and thankful to God that we came out without a scratch (apart from being a little fearful).

In that whole situation am thankful to my family who quickly came to my aid from Semenyih (yes my Dad came to the police station too) , to the FGA church mates that was there on the scene and to Pastor Grace and Arnand that came and prayed for us. Most of all to Joelle and Kah Seng that kept their straight face and be ever so positive about the whole thing.

Thank you for being the GOD of second chances, third chances, fourth chances.... x chances

Thank you for loving the unlovable

Thank you for investing in a worthless, nobody, a tiny particle in the vast beach and turning giving me a new found hope!

Looking back I just realised how much I complain about work. Still do....However, my outlook of work has since quite change realising that the main reason of my existence is to glorify HIM. If you would ask me how I would summarise the year 2011 well the one word I would use to describe 2011 is humbling.

A year that I am brought back to ground zero. After all the achievements, positions, titles and knowing the ins and outs of whatever I do, I am brought back to a place where I know nothing, no experience, the youngest as well as 'no voice'. Learning to rely on HIM more than my own knowledge and experience.

It has been the year of 'First' of many things as well.

Thanks to my sister a video that sums it all up. Its been months now. I have been asking myself this core question am I / are we praising the Lord or just going with the motion because its now a familiar place / ground. Ever since I was born say some or even better in my mother's womb I hear the same music.

One thing I have learned is that familiarity can really be scarry, creepy and bad. It shapes a culture and because its too ingrained in us, we are unaware of the things we do that we do it because that's part of the system. No questions asks! We stop thinking! Robots if I may say. Obligations perhaps?

Back to the topic. So it is with church. When I first came to the Lord I knew the difference between having a relationship with the Lord and not having one. The contrast was evident. I only started going to church regularly when I was in Standard 6 and going to church then and going to church now well its different once again. (You will notice the difference when you move from one church to another as well because its different). Its not a motion because you do not know what the motion is. You don't know the ropes around so your eyes are open. Your ears up and your senses scans the environment and everything around.

Now 10 years and I know the truth that being too comfortable is a red flag we need to be aware. I know how many times I stand in the pews at church just waiting for the service to be over and thinking of what is there on the menu. Jesus, the one who quenches my hunger I declare. Then service comes and take its place. I get so busy with church service and well no one can question right? I am serving the LORD MOST HIGH. What can be more noble than that? Mary sitting at Jesus feet. (Luke 10:38-42).

I chase after the gifts in the hands of the giver and not the giver. I thought that perhaps seeing the miracles, the manifestation of His glory, having the warm revelation that He is king is the answer. Or perhaps if I am bless with academic success, wonderful career I am more blessed than others. Matthew 6:19-21 Do not store up treasures on earth... for where your treasure is there also will your heart be. Nothing wrong with all these but slowly and surely we will shift our focus on boxing the God of all into ideas we think He is working and should be doing. In other words we push Him of the throne and say I am boss.

We flock the churches on Sunday mornings, cell groups, meetings. All good stuff but then again has it become an excuse. Too busy. I am just too busy. Too busy for anything else. Too busy to visit a colleague who just gave birth. Too busy to comfort a friend in grief. Too busy.

Face it although we always cry for change many a times we actually dislike change. We are resistant to change. Especially if it came from someone else. Doing the same wrong thing over and over again does not make it a right.

The songs of the video cannot hit the chord as spot on as it did. I (Myself first. Stand guilty) / We REALLY NEED to take a step back re-think our actions and our words.

God can only be glorified and lifted up and I am made to worship HIM. My prayer is that I will dig deep and do a self check. See high to see pass HIS Hands to see the face of HIM and not just stop at HIS hands. Through all times (good and bad) to say He is my Lord and to live like I really mean it and only God can judge.

Well, hope you are encouraged (looking for partners to journey along this race and hear the masters voice at the end of it all) and I would like to end with this song because we need it to have our senses always on alert and ready to be used by the porter.

I wanted to find an image that shows focus and hey presto I found the above. Well, the message of focus has been coming over and over again. I just can't seem to be focus. Running all over not knowing what the goal looks like. Finally figure out the problem is because I couldn't envision how it looks like. No accurate measures just a general statement of the goals I want to achieve makes the path hard to walk.

The past one week plus has been rather refreshing. Hugely because I haven't been staying pass 9pm in office. I have been out on training and seminar. Able to have more time with my family and a little more time for myself. Although the train has been pretty packed I am able to enter the train without waiting for more than half an hour for the next train. Really helps to break the stress.

Lately the most disturbing news is seeing the number of suicide cases in the country has risen. With more and more cases reported everyday when I open the newspaper while I am walking to my office. It really is unsettling to see how people take the value of life so lightly. If God took the time to ensure every detail is there when HE formed us how could we make such decisions just by our rash impulses? For me it was when I actually read about how the human body is formed that I know that its a complicated thing and that effort has been taken into each and every living cell. As the pressure and stress around builds up it is important to continue being Focus on the creator.

Its going to be my personal struggle to stay on course and to have the singleness of mind. Do hope that it will be built into my system.

After nearly two months of work I have to say that I am at the cliff of the mountain. The pressure at work is probably too much for me to handle. Coupled with the long hours of work, horrible train services and the lack of sleep, is driving me up the wall.

I have to admit that so far the experience gain is certainly beyond what I have ever imagine. In less than two months, I have sat in the Board of Directors meeting and the Exco meeting. I have drawn up proposals and come up with policies. Indeed a well of knowledge flooding in.

How can you be so sure of something and yet feel so trapped? I always thought that walking the road knowing that He has chosen would mean everything will be laid out. Then it dawn upon me how the road less taken is always the hardest. That obedience is not easy and taking up the cross daily is one uphill task. At times like this I am reminded of the warriors who knowing full well of the task ahead and the difficulties that comes with it still said yes to the Lord and stayed strong throughout.

Such a struggle. The comfort I have in the place I am is that I know that He is there because I have taken that step of obedience. Has it been a difficult choice? It would be a lie if I said no. Even before taking up the job I had such a struggle and I am still struggling.

I don't have all the answers and I don't have all the solutions. Anyhow, I am glad for the people He placed to support me through time like this especially my mum. She is really my pillar of strength.

Don't mean to be all emotional about the struggles. Something I am really trying.

I can't wait till the CIMA exams are over. I have never felt so depressed in my life. I can't even do simple calculations. To make matters worse I can't even remember what I have been studying in my diploma years. How am I suppose to pass the papers?

Seriously, it will take a miracle for me to pass any of the papers. Just at the cracking point now.

11 more days and at this point I doubt I have even mastered 5% of any of the papers.

At the looks of it, its money going down the drain. Oh well, there is nothing much I can do perhaps I should just relax and do nothing. But yet I can't bring myself to do it.

What a struggle...

Wow... I can't believe it. I just read my sister's blog and its something I just want to say the same about last Saturday's Service. Guess she puts it better in words.

They always say plan plan plan. That's exactly what I did. But my plans never go the way I want it to go. There was some miscommunication about the conference tickets so I don't get to see Tony Blair after all. Probably the only reason that makes me all excited to go.

Won't be stopping by Dubai after my semester in the UK.

Argh..... well, now that I have lots of other plans ahead I am just reminded about this "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." or should I say that God reminded me of it.

I don't like it when I can't do anything about a problem and can't come up with a solution. Most of the time I am forced into such a situation and I am so frustrated but probably that is the only way I am stopped in my tracks to ponder and really realising that I am not capable and just helpless.

Knowing is one thing but really bringing it from the head to the heart is tough.

Will be moving out to the working world in about less than a year's time. The place where the lofty perks are. Can't believe it but its true that when you are in a place where you are allowed to choose its not easy. So much of me saying God let Your will be done. A struggle that is continuous.

For the past one week I have been thinking about what career I would like to do in the next couple of years and what I would like to achieve. I am suppose to be focusing on passing my CIMA exams (which I tell you I am far from being able to pass at the rate things are going) but my mind is like some little unsettle kid jumping up and about as if I am graduating soon.

I said that I want the Lord's hand in my life and also directing my path but so fast I tell Him what I want practically giving Him the directions on how to lead me instead. Before I even finish my day dream, He reminded me about where is He in all this. Not to mention that day itself during prayer they shared about the exact passage of Lot and Abram and how sometimes what we think is good and right may not be so and how we should not look at others and envy their success because if the Lord is at hand then He is.

Today, I was looking at my friend's facebook profile. She's same age with me and she has a little baby already. Just looking at her baby and her just kick in the reality that I am an adult now. Don't get me wrong I am not jealous nor wanting one anytime soon. Its nice seeing the little girl in her mum's arms but sends the chills down mine. Gosh! A mum at this age? She makes a great one though. Salute her for her courage! Was quite funny when I saw she named her little girl the same name with one of my good friends. =)

A total disaster!!

Anyway moving from discouragement to praise.

I am currently reading a book entitled 'A woman God can use.' Hurt my ankle and my body still aches after superman style on the court so I read my book. Well, from the title you would probably think its for women only. Strangely enough I thought it was going to tell me what to do and all but not so. The author takes several characters, all women of course to discuss. I was reading about Rahab today.

Anyway, back to the topic. It was interesting to see how God can use someone of the no status in society to be on the Hall of Faith that is recorded in Hebrews. I was drawn into the part that Rahab was not part of the Israelites but she made it into the line where the Messiah comes from.

The first mention of her in the bible didn't sound as though there was any hope for her and she was doom to be destroyed like the rest of them in the city of Jericho but because at the split of second she made the right decision and decided to help the spies, she and not only herself but ALL those that were in the house when the Israelites came were spared.

To me I was reminded once again about the many 'split second' decisions I had to make in life. Often it seems to be the wrong ones. Those decisions that has to be made showed what she was built off. She was rooted in something that is not off her culture. She stood against her people. When everyone would think that what she did was a serious risk she took it for she had faith that the Israelites God was the God of the heaven and earth.

I wonder how I would respond if I am in that situation would I change from being a 'prostitute' to be one of the 2 women mention in the Hall of faith? Certainly shows how God forgives our sins and using what seems hopeless, useless and broken to glorify His name. Question is we each have that question to answer. Are we willing to take the risk and believe the Lion of Judah? Question only each person can answer on their own but is a question that will change your life and your entire world.

So many cross roads in life. Its every single thing. Whether to choose A or B? Be good or naughty? Job? Studies? Lord, wouldn't it be much easier if You just tell me what You want me to do. Sometimes I thank You for the freedom but I will really be happy I guess with whatever You want me to do. So why not You just decide for me. 

Vision.... Is my vision dying? Vision is the ability to see it, the faith to believe it, the courage to do it, and the hope to endure until it happens. Take any of these components away and vision fails. Each is vital, and indispensable. Which stage am I at? 

I know YOU will lead. So far through out my entire life You have such good track record. Never once You have failed me. If only I can just trust You. Me and my stupid "impatienceness". Cant believe it today You just so filled every passage with words of comfort and also directions. Indeed You will direct my path and make it straight. Praise You for Your everlasting works!

Ok Lord You heard me. The reins are Yours. Sorry ya. =)