heart4God
Whether you are a caterpillar or a little bird or a human, change is inevitable. The responsibilities, the circumstances each day are bound to be different. Yet many a times the idea of change just sends a feeling of dislike.

Its just like Inertia. It resists any change in its motion. Sometimes we are just the same. I know that I take comfort in knowing the familiar. Moving out of the things you commonly do is sometimes one of the hardest thing to do. Strangely enough, right from young we are always doing things that are different yet change is still something that throws us off course.

I really wonder why this should be the case. I have been trying to adapt to change. To go through as much change so that probably one day I will be immune to change and be able to adapt to change in just a split of a second. (Wonder if that is possible)

Well, imagine hanging out with a group of people that's minimum 10 years your senior. Joining them for CF, working with them and even going for mini trips. Yes, there are times I ask myself what for? But yet if I don't adapt to change I never will. I would probably be sulking the whole time through and letting those precious years pass without saying that I did something meaningful during those years because I refuse to step out and do something about it.

At least at the end of the day if I fail, I know that I have given it my best shot. Knowing that I have given my best, and tried putting together is better than not trying at all.

New Living Translation (©2007)
Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Well, although I am the youngest right now in almost everything I do but this will not stop me for being who I am. I guess it challenges me even more and probably that is what keeps me going.

Went out with my colleagues yesterday for a mini trip to Broga. Although it was quite a different experience then when I go out with people my age, I have to say that it was indeed quite an experience.

New International Version (©1984)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

What is most important is knowing that God is in control above all. Knowing that my failures is just a small matter to Him and that He is there all the way.
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heart4God
TOP CIMA pre-seen case has been released. Question now is should I or should I not take it this sitting. I have kept it on hold for nearly a year. Will I be able to cope between studying for the paper and also work? As it is, work alone is already more than I can handle. With another colleague going on maternity leave will my workload become even heavier? One colleague is already on maternity leave and work has been channeled down to me. Her boss is now going on maternity as well which makes it double trouble.

The question I ask myself am I really ready to enter the workforce. Perhaps I graduated too soon. Perhaps I needed to be in the cocoon a little longer before flapping my wings and trying to take flight.

Anyway back to the topic. CIMA, 2 things I need before I can finally say I have completed it.
1. To get the 3 years working experience (I really don't know how I am going to get this 3 years.)
2. To sit for the TOPCIMA exam and pass it. (This Nov sitting or some other time?)

The industry this time round is supermarket. Sounds interesting but retail is a little scary thanks to the bad experience from previous assignments. The case however is centered round Sustainability. The most talked issue, Corporate Social Responsibility. Decisions, decisions, decisions. I guess the thought of probably failing and having to re-take (extra pounds to be paid) makes the decision even harder. Oh well, I will still have to decide when the time comes.
heart4God
The stressed is building up. Plan? Solution? What? *A big sigh
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heart4God
At first, dreams seem impossible, then improbable, and eventually inevitable.

Its really funny to see how people fight to get a place to squeeze in the train to work and on their way home. Its a daily routine. It really get on my nerves not at the people's behaviour but the lack of planning in the city. I can only understand why this people are so frustrated. Imagine, I have only been working for about 7 months and I dread taking the train what more this people who has been using the train services for many years. Plus I am sure that the conditions a few years back was not like what we have today it would have been worse off. With the frequent breakdowns and pressure for work is amazing that one still survives and their sanity in tact.

My morning train rides (an hour when everything comes on time) have been time that I let my imagination run a little wild. Sometimes, when you feel like "This is enough, no more, I am going to quit" a new idea births. How long I will survive in the commercial line only God can tell. I have my eyes set on studying once again and doing something on my own. Its true sometimes you wonder whether the work that you do the whole day (literally 11-12 hours a day) is something that makes a difference. Something that counts. Something that makes an impact to society's welfare. For me at times, I really wonder whether all these paper work is necessary! Have human beings make life even more complicated than it should be?

Day in and out I just look at the faces of the hundreds of people rushing to work. Whether caught in the jam for hours or whether being stucked in the train. Then comes the office workload. Sometimes things may get out of hand especially when you have more than you can chew at one time and things just seem so overwhelming. Then on the way home you go through the same routine once again and the next day the whole new routine is reset once again. When weekend approach you try to make the most of so called lost time during the week and you try to catch up on house chores, things you have wanted to do, hobbies you want to pursue and etc. Seriously,this for the next 30 over years? Is a no wonder people become lost when the retired. 30 years of packed routine and suddenly all the free time in the world.

Well, shall not go on any further. But do give it a thought. Through this it really dawn upon me that you really need to do something that you like to do, something that you are willing to wake up every morning for, something that even the train or the traffic jams cant stop you. Money is important but far beyond that satisfaction and being fulfilled in life really matters.

Then again, if you have failed once don't give up. Pick up and keep running. As I said in my last post, sometimes we end up doing things we do not ask for. It somehow ends up on our plate and we have to swallow every bit of it. (could be because of family, money, or the economy) Don't lose hope as a new day awaits each day for something better. A change perhaps.

Unrelated to the above
I met up with Anita, a friend I met when I was backpacking in Europe (really want to go backpacking again!). She's an Australian but now living in the UK but has an Italian passport. Well, it was nice to have her down in KL. Only managed to squeeze a quick lunch with her but well then again better than nothing.

Last week met up with another friend who's Nigerian and now studying in the UK. How weird sometimes how people end up in different parts of the country. Anyway, also another quick time with her.

Manage to meet up with a few of my school mates. Edwina, Fuk Fui and Rachael last weekend as well. Only manage a 2 hour plus meet up and it was time to head home. Seeing another friend on Friday just to pass something was also that I can squeeze in.

Time has become so so short. Nothing gets done. I guess, I should stop volunteering for stuff till time becomes something that I have. I really do feel bad when I choose to take up something but unable to go all out due to circumstances because I usually choose to do something that I really want to do and not being able to see it come to pass is disappointing.

Nevertheless, I appreciate meeting people up especially in small groups where we can just catch up with each other. It brings a sense of familiar ground. Do miss school and college times. Working life is cool but nothing can be better that being in a whole area of people your age, people who are like minded and the freedom of moving around.

Speaking of which, I am totally out of shape and the shape night run is around the corner. Hopefully I don't collapse and need paramedic assistance. Time to get the running shoes out.

heart4God
Life can sometimes be so utterly confusing and so unexpected. Like for example, as a child being a banker would be something I would have never thought of. Even in college, the thought of working in a bank just brings distaste. Such an irony that I did my internship in a bank and my first ever job after graduation is in a bank. The most unexpected or unbelievable thing about working in the bank is in the department I am in, Compliance! That never came across neither was it in my vocabulary. I really wonder what other impossible things and moments of I never thought of would happen in the course of this life.

Sometimes in life, there are things that you never asked for but its put on your plate. Sometimes, you can decline but somethings there is no other choice but to swallow the food set before you. Still, the outcome varies, there are times when the forced food turns out to be something you actually enjoy but other times maybe something you don't. Complain and moan but sometimes things are never meant to be.

Anyway, today will be one of those days that will be remembered in history. Its really so heart warming to see people standing up for what they really believe in and at least trying to fight for a better tomorrow. Whether or not there is another better way to speak out, its really knowing that the citizens of Malaysia do really love the country.

Today, I saw what it means to be a Malaysian. It means whether or not you are a Malay,Chinese or Indian you stand up together because we are Malaysians. Yes, we have our different culture, different values perhaps but we learn to push aside our differences for something better tomorrow.

When all in the world becomes more corrupt and sin is just another word, its nice to know that people still wants justice to be done.

If any party would want to change the standards in Malaysia for the better rightfully the citizens will come out and support. I believe at the end of the day, the citizens of Malaysia only wants their needs to be look after and for a fair, transparent and clean Government. I believe too, that no matter which country in the world, the citizens echoes the same.

May Malaysia be the people's land.

Change is inevitable. Change is constant.
Benjamin Disraeli

Adversity tests us from time to time and it is inevitable that this testing continues during life.
Walter Annenberg
heart4God
I didn't know there were so many new Christian songs. Yes, I know they have new album every year but I am way behind time. Got on to youtube (my trusty radio station) for updates and lo and behold the countless album of songs.

Well, the latest which because my elder sister went over and over it, it got stuck in my own head as well. Shall share wit you all.





I need to keep myself updated from time to time. :) So if you have any good Christian songs to recommend, I am all ears. :)
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heart4God
Such a coincidence, Levina was talking about knowing what to do in life. Just had a chat with pastor over something similar in the morning. My brother was speaking so much about Steve Jobs presentation skills that I decided to find him on Youtube. Stumbled upon his speech to the graduating students of Standford and I find it very inspiring and holds much truth. Well check the video out below. If you don't like watching the whole thing and would prefer reading well check the passage after the video.


'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.