What pain and agony is it to see the one you love not even knowing you love them. Why does love have to bring such heartache. Especially when its one sided.

Just everything about the person is so perfect. The well built body that shows how well each limb is placed together, the very smell of the body scent. Ah....just brings a strange tingling down the spine. The big eyes that just glitters away, the sharp not so pointy nose, the lips that spells HOT. Physically just so perfect. May not be viewed the same way in the eyes of others but to me that is the most amazing person I have met. His very posture just attracts me.

I just enjoy seeing the peculiar character of him displayed. Quite weird sometimes the humor from the lame jokes he comes up with, even laughing at his own jokes from time to time. He catches me by surprise to see how his mood can swing from happy to sad and to almost anything. Such fragileness yet boldness in character. Everything I have imagined about a guy he was it.

Just getting a glimpse or watching from far makes me satisfied. I send lots of indirect and direct notes but yet he is just simply too busy to notice, to caught up with what the world offers to even take notice of me and my little gestures.

When he is at the down most moments in life, I sent multiple gifts of different kinds to lift his spirits up but yet almost before he could stand on his feet someone else snatches him from my arms. I thought I had him in my grasp. I thought he felt just the same about me.

I spend hours, days, weeks ... almost my every waking hour thinking of him. He just seems to envelope my entire world. Sometimes I feel I have gone mad. I really enjoy talking to him. A little obvious at times. When I see him on msn its as though my heart skip a beat. We have quite a number of common interest. I love sports just the way he does. His very presence gives me the extra push I need to compete well. He doesnt really looks at me. Sometimes he does gives me a word of praise, seems carefree but well does mean a lot to me.

I try to be as sweet as I can be. I take the extra mile just to ensure his comfort is well taken care off. He doesnt really know what I like. We do hang out in a group once in a while and my..just see the way he hits off and makes a great bridge to everyone on the table so that there is little awkwedness.

I know his favourite past time his favourite movie, even his favourite pillow and attire. He does not know but I am so madly in love with him. I have read countless of books just to know how to win his heart. I even know his activities and his daily routines inside out. Almost as if I have been running his life and been with him all through the way.

If only he will take notice of me. Things would be different. I've saved my best years for him. Even the things I like best (he likes it too) I have been saving it all up. Hopefully one day, my pin drop silent in the room will end. I will be able to share my treasures with him. Make his coffee the way he likes it as soon as he open his eyes and give him that body massage which I know he loves. I am ready to share my mountain filled inheritance with him. Ah.... till that day.

Ok, I know I don't have good writing skills. Jesus is the I in the story. He is indeed madly in love about you. I am very sure He thinks about you all day. Psalm 139 even states that He knows me in my inward being. I am like the guy in the story going about my everyday life to taken up by the cares and the rewards of this world that I hardly had the time to notice one who really loves me so much. If only I let Him in and give a little more to Him. I feel so ashame of myself. He loves even though I didn't return or show any response.

The song Amazed starts off with You danced over me, while I am unaware, You sing all around but I never hear a sound. It really cuts me to the core. Having one who knows me more than I know myself and is ready to just hold my hand and ready to show me the world and be there every single step I take. How much I have missed. I could have spent more time with Him getting to know what He really likes just like how He knows mine. Just so amazing how He knows how to speak a word of encouragement and takes every effort to give me the assurance I need. I am going to try to make up for it. I know I will never be able to return His love or give as much as He has given to me.

Sometimes, I wonder whether is it all worth it to see my Lord heart break. I will just dissapoint Him, bring Him pain and just be the ever cold unloving me. He certainly believes in me so much more than I believe in myself. My God is a God of love indeed. Thank you.